and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
