everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my shit smells like andre
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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