Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
