its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
