alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
