I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
