I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
