we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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