the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
