dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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