my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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