Betty ford says i'm here all night
the condom got lost in my hair
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
