That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
