New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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