i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
