I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
