Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
