i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
