I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
