I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
