I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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