it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
