if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
