Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
