the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
