True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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