He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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