i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
