Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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