I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
