Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
