I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
