I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
