i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
