His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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