It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Less talking, more tequila
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
