I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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