someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
