I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
