I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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