I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
