You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
