I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
