her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
