new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
