Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
