Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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