It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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