areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I supernannyed him into submission
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
