i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
