every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
