It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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