I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
